it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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