he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
