im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
