hell yes lets make some ravioli
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
