remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
