I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
