I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
