i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
