i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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