I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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