FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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