tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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