he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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