meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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