Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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