if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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