I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
