please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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