matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
