you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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