Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
