Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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