Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
