I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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