Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
