Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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