I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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