She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
