Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize