Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
