You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish you could order shots online.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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