no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
