I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
