I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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