Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
this boner is exhausting
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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