I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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