ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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