So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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