You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
honey bunches of taint.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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