i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Screwed.edu
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
