She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
