I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
