not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
