Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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