i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
