She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
