Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
