ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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