you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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