i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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