I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
