I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He felt like a one man threesome
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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