On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize