my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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