She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
