we're blogging at a bar
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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