Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
