He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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