I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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